you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
