brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
