wrigley field is MILF paradise
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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