i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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