I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
