By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
