so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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