Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
