Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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