Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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