just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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