Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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