we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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