Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
