If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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