i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
