It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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