If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
