When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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