I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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