Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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