i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
