i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
