my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
