Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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