Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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