i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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