just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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