fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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