Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
