I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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