I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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