my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
