it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
