I just saw a hot homeless man
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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