I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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