Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
