The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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