Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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