Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
