Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
