can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
