Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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