My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
These tits shall not be calmed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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