you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
