i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
