i was born a porn star she said
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
