remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
