He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
