I murdered the dance floor call the cops
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you. Go after that dick
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