I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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