I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
