and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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