you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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