I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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