She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
