I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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