first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
