You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
