so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
