what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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