It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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