And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
