I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
