I wanna passion pit in your ass
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
