My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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