Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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