I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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