nut hugger
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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