Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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