i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
