Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think your dad took our porno
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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