Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
