I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
