butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
