please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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