one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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