eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
