God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
