we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk is a universal language darling
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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