What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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