It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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