don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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