I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
