I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
